I really need to get back into doing something other than poetry. I mean, poetry's nice and all (which, by the way, I'm going to dump a shitload of poems in the next few weeks that I've written and just haven't posted), but I've been craving something else. Like right now. I really want to just...vector something. Or vexel. I don't even care. But my tablet is at my boyfriend's apartment, and I have a Genetics exam tomorrow that I can't bring myself to study for.

It's all probably because I've spent the last few weeks in a kind of angry depression. I think my body's finally giving up. I throw up at least every other day now (for no apparent reason), my orthostatic problems are getting worse (I got up from the couch last night and Miguel had to dive to catch me as I started to fall), and my bones/muscles ache constantly. All of this is taking a toll on my mind too, as I've had hallucinations. They were only on one occasion, but that was enough to scare the shit out of me. And then there's just stupid things, like when I stopped at a green light today.

It's building up, though. I'm probably going to do poorly in Calc I (yeah, I know. I don't want to hear it) because I missed our third exam because I was violently ill. I even emailed the professor (TA) 2 hours before the exam to tell him that I was throwing up and couldn't take the exam. But apparently he doesn't give make-ups, and he would have rather me spew bile and nastiness all over the classroom. And I thought I was doing him a favor.

I'm going to figure it out this summer, though. I'll run down the list of things I'm going to get this summer:

• endoscopy (i.e., stick a scope down my throat)


• colonoscopy (i.e., stick a scope...not down my throat)


• lyme disease test (to see if ticks have tried to kill me)


• glucose intolerance/Celiac Disease test (to see if wheat is trying to kill me)


• vitamin deficiency test (to see if my intestines are trying to kill me)


• allergy test (to see if everything is trying to kill me)


• CBC (to see if my blood is ok)


• MRIs (head, abdomen)

And that's all I've thought of so far. I'm sure I'll come up with more. If not, my doctor will. I need to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I can't do well in school, I can't do well at work, and it's all because I get too sick too often. My body fucking hates me.

I should start doing drugs to teach it a lesson.